Except for me
by Zerovk
Summary: They slept on unspoken words .. Too scared to publicly announce it but everything was falling apart any ways . prewritten oneshot . kxz . kaze .
1. Chapter 1

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" Hey , Zero . We are going out to celebrate the newcomer accepted in our department ." Said one employee as he patted a silver haired male's shoulder .

" Um. Sorry , Takuma . I still got some work to do. I have to make sure everything is typed correctly. " Replied Zero , eyes glued to the computer screen as he observed the order they would be sending to the supplier.

Takuma rolled his eyes because he knew that was a cheap excuse the elder was using .

" You have been staring at this order over the past few minutes and nothing is wrong with it ! " the blonde exclaimed , hands retreating in a show of his disapproval .

He wasn't annoying , he just wanted Zero to get some fresh air . They were friends before being fellow-employees after all .

When the silverette had no words to defend himself , another young man came to the scene.

" Come on , Zero ! Everyone is going . It's bad enough you had to take the day off but didn't . Look at you ! You lost all the weight you didn't even have ! " Insisted another tall employee . Even though he was the youngest out of them , he was also the wisest.

Zero took off his reading glasses and sighed , looking elsewhere , the thing that made Takuma perk his lips to the side in sheer annoyance.

Zero was just too stubborn.

And Takuma knew that.

" Just give up , Akatsuki . Let him be . We can't really force him after all. " he whispered , trying his best to persuade the younger who clearly still felt frustrated but couldn't argue with him .

The silver haired man sent a " Thank you " look to Takuma for saving him the pain.

Convincing Akatsuki is never an easy job , especially since both , Zero and Akatsuki were thick headed beyond words.

But Takuma didn't smile back , he only replied with a disappointed look of his own.

One by one , the open office space grew quite , devoid of people , except for Zero . He could hear no more heels clicking against the floor tiles , no more chairs creaking .. Nothing .. Just silence engulfing him .

Staying overtime , slipping opportunities to take the day off , they were all meant to be some sort of a distraction.

Even now .. when Zero reached his apartment building , he could have used the elevator but he didn't.

He decided otherwise .

Taking the stairs seemed more appealing , for some reason . And that should be ..

He wanted to exhaust himself so much that when he finally reaches his apartment , he would go straight to sleep . No more thinking , no more stress. Nothing.

He wanted to feel nothing..

For once , he wanted to be able to sleep , without dark thoughts haunting him.

Once he reached his doorstep , he was already trudging and panting heavily , gripping his blazer with shaking hands .

On unsteady legs , he made his way inside , frowning at the gloomy apartment awaiting him .

Turning on the faint lights just about the entrance , Zero's frail legs barely supported his frame , even though it was equally fragile .

He had tottered his way to the couch and flopped down on it , then sprawled himself as he loosened the tie around his neck , eyes feeling heavier than lead .

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Blink .

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Blink..

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Darkness .

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Silence .

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Vibration * ring ring *

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The sudden noise made him jerk awake and frantically fish his cell phone out of his pocket , heart beating erratically fast .

" Hello ? " He gasped it out .

" Zero ? Did you arrive ? Have you eaten ? " Asked Akatsuki over the phone . Zero could only massage his forehead at that ..

Why did the younger have to act all concerned ? It made him feel guilty and indebted ..

" yea , Akatsuki . I just got home and was about to make myself something to eat .. Thanks for asking . "

He wasn't really planning to cook anything or even check the fridge but he wasn't in the mood for _that_ conversation . So he chose to lie , something he realized he was doing quite a lot as of late .

" Oh .Ok . We are having fun and I honestly wish you were here with us . Takuma feels the same as well . "

A weak but heartfelt smile crept its way to Zero's lips as he heard that .. His friends were out , partying , all busy and occupied but still had him in mind .. They truly cared , even though he gave them nothing but tension , even though he was being negative and distant .

If anything , he would try hanging out with them the next time ..

" Thanks , buddies . Just enjoy it ! " Zero attempted to exclaim in encouragement before he heard chuckling over the phone .

" We will . Take care of yourself , alright ? "

" Alright . "

With that , they ended the call , Akatsuki going back to the party whilst Zero back to darkness .

 _Oh baby , everyone but me looks happy._

 _Everyone but me is having fun oh no ._

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The following day was gonna be a long one .. since it was weekend .

Zero sighed deeply at such thought , willing himself to get up .He had to at least make it to his bed ..

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Next morning :

Like any other day , the sun kissed every inch of earth , gracefully offering its rays , birds chirped and wind softly blew .

Surprisingly , his eyes and mind seemed to need more sleep , unlike his body that was aching badly . he felt his back nearly splitting into two because of how long he had been sleeping .

Tossing to the side , he tried forcing one eye open but it terribly stung so he gave up on waking up .

Even though his eyes were closed , mind practically blank , his other senses were wide awake .

Occasionally , he would hear his own soft breathing as his hand dangled about the edge of the bed .

The once humble apartment now felt fancy , too big for him to occupy alone .

He had spent too much time in silence that he has come to notice even the slightest creak in the fan that was softly spinning , producing light air every once in awhile .

He'd spent so much time in silence that he had come to deem it foreign when he would laugh every once in awhile .. He couldn't recognize it anymore . It felt forced and fake .

He would also hear his neighbors' dog barking ..

He would hear sounds he never really noticed when the elder was still living there , with him . Because them being together had him preoccupied ..

His stomach was growling , begging to be fed but he felt drained and lazy ..

No .

Seriously !

He was hungry . Perhaps , starving would be the right word .

He was starving to the point he felt like throwing up .. And started feeling a pain throbbing in his head . But the bed engulfing his body in comfortable warmth was almost serenading , tempting him to sleep some more .

 _Too much for breaking up and staying healthy_..

Did they break up though ?

The idea of labeling their relationship was long lost in the sea and as the saying goes , You don't expect what the sea has taken to come back .. And if it ever did , it won't be the same . Well , that wasn't exactly a saying because Zero just made it up .

 _They slept on unspoken words , too scared to publicly announce it but everything was falling apart any ways ._

What's it good for now ?

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* Ring * Ring *

What was that ringing ?

Maybe it was part of his dream ..

Wait .. When did he even fall asleep ?

Sighing deeply , he threw his hand on his face , covering his eyes and oh it felt so good , for it was also blocking the annoyingly bright sunlight .

Ring * Ring *

He moved his hands away , eyes lazily opening as he stared at the ceiling for a couple of seconds before he willed his body off the bed , reached for the source of the sound and blindly swiped his thumb about his phone .

" .. Hello ? " He answered , quickly recognizing the person on the other line. His mother .

She wanted to fix a time so they would meet .

It has been a long time since he last saw her .

She was somehow linked to the idea of " Parents " which reminded him of his father and that didn't make him feel thrilled .

He would have to dedicate some time for her later on .. but for now , he needed to lay down and do nothing .

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He was finally there , in the cafe where he would be meeting his mother who he had soon enough noticed , occupying a distant table , dressed elegantly , her diamond necklace shining brightly , making other women look dull if compared to her . That was his mother and that was his truth . The truth he couldn't change . The Wealthy background haunting him.

He licked his lips , encouraging himself , and made his way there .

Once greetings were exchanged , momentary silence filled the atmosphere before his mother cleared her throat , signaling the start of their talk .

" Zero , you are in this point in your life wher- "

" Your decisions will either make it or break it . " Completed the young man , swaying his head sarcastically before realizing how childish and disrespectful he was being .

He instantly felt guilty and apologetic , especially when he saw how his mother blinked , lowering her gaze as she traced the brim of her cup nervously .

Sighing at that , he tapped his feet few seconds before he willed himself to apologize .

She was here , probably without her husband's knowledge . She was going out of her way to be there for him even though she wasn't exactly for his relationship with Kaname .

" I'm sorry .. " He whispered .

She nodded sadly , making him frown ..

Looks like they would be leading _that_ kind of conversation .

" Your husband insulted me when he interfered in my life like I was nothing but a child ! " He had to engrave it in her mind that it was all because of that man .

In an instant , she raised her head looking at him with extreme sorrow .

He knew what she wanted to say . _That man is your father ._

But she held it in and instead reached forward , taking his hands in hers , caressing them before smiling at him .

" Son , I want you to know that no matter what , I will be supporting you . "

 _As in , whether you get back with Kaname or not_ .

The time with his mother soon flew by and he found himself wandering in a deserted alleyway .

A lone tear rolled past his cheeks as he bitterly smiled ..

Why Kaname ? Why did you have to leave ? I was ready to fight everyone , including my parents to be with you ..

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 _As if everything has stopped , this alleyway is filled with darkness ._

 _My poor heart after you left me gets cut even by the passing wind ._

 _When will this cruel longing end ?_

 _I shouldn't have met you , I can't shake off your beauty ._

 _A flower that lost its scent , it's like me who has lost you ._

 _What use is it to regret ? you're gone ._

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The moment he got back home , his mood had gone from bad to worse ..

His talk with his mum - as much as it had warmed him up a little - it had opened some scars . All of his scars , actually .

He threw himself on the bed , lazily wandering his eyes about his room , only to sigh deeply afterwards , slamming his hands against his forehead .

He totally forgot to water the plants ..

The beautiful flower pot he had bought and positioned over the windows stood as a reminder .

 _Forgive your forgetful owner , please ._

Just then , the telephone rang , startling him .

He picked up and answered it but there was no response ..

He couldn't explain the sudden familiar feeling building up , the way his heart raced without a definite reason .

Zero's hands ceased watering the plants as he held his breath in , wandering his eyes about the flowers but his mind and heart wandered elsewhere .

He found himself lapsing into silence and wondered vaguely whether or not he should be ending the call ..

Few moments later , he pushed the " end call " button and bit on his lips , gripping the watering can tightly .

The rest of the day had passed by in a blur , nothing significant in it so far until the doorbell rang .

Zero assumed it to be Akatsuki and Takuma so he lazily dragged his legs towards the front door and swayed it open but it wasn't who he had expected .

His breath got stuck in his throat and eyes narrowed briefly at the person standing in front of him .

" Zero .. "

" What do you think you are doing here ? " Asked the silverette , his voice firm and cold .

What was Kaname thinking coming here after all that time ?

" Zero .. please , don't look at me with those eyes .. I'm sorry . I was wrong . " Pleaded Kaname , his voice so sincere , nearly enough to make the most heartless people soften but Zero couldn't buy those lies .

" Don't be ridiculous , stop pretending that you're the only one struggling and in pain . I was always alone anyway , it had nothing to do with you . " Yelled Zero , barely fighting back the tears of agony .

Kaname's expression dissolved into sadness ..

" I love you .. " He whispered but Zero couldn't believe it .

" Don't ! Don't tell me that . I'm sick of your I'm sorry's . "

He had a long speech ready to explode but his ego stopped him .

 _Everyone but me looks happy ._

 _Everyone but me is having fun oh no ._

 _I shouldn't have met you , I shouldn't have met you ._

 _I'm regretting now ._

 _I can't fall asleep tonight , I'm just looking out the window ._

 _Passing couples especially catch my eye ._

 _My eyes grow pitifully red every time it rains at night ._

 _You used to say " I like the sound of the rain " and it spins around my head ._

 _I draw you out , hating you , crying , then laughing , several times a day ._

Zero didn't give the elder time to reply and whispered the last words before shutting the door .

" leave me alone . leave me alone , Kaname . "

 _Like this empty street , my rejected heart is in pain ._

 _I'm the only one remaining here and struggling but I'll try to forget you ._

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Later on that day :

Kaname made it back home , disappointment dominating everything about him , the thing that made his friends get worried .

He flopped on the couch next to the one wearing a cap who eyed him intently .

" What happened ? " Asked one of them , he had innocent features and blonde hair .

" He didn't accept it , Aido . " Replied Kaname , his frame slouched .

He had told them how he approached the younger and how it had all escalated .

Sighs exchanged before Senri - the one wearing a cap - suggested something .

" Kaname , Zero won't come around if you keep spoiling him . Don't ask him for a chance . Earn it ! Don't plead him , Shut him up in your own way , a kiss or something .. That guy is stubborn and blinded by his ego . I mean yea … You were a jerk to leave him like that but you had your reasons and now that everything is fine with your life , you have to fill him in on the whole story . "

" Hey ? Do you want him to force his way back to Zero ? " Opposed Hanabusa . The silverette was his friend after all .. He was one to introduce Kaname and Zero to each other .

Senri made a face , signaling for the blonde to shut up because _he_ was right .

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Kaname has somehow managed to fade out the noise of Senri and Hanabusa bickering , his mind replaying that day Zero's father crushed his self-esteem .

His words hit him like a hammer ..

Truth is , he didn't want his love to go through the same .

He didn't want Zero to suffer rejection from his parents .

Kaname's parents had disowned him after knowing he was gay and since he wasn't exactly that wealthy to begin with , his parents abandoning him did not help at all .

Ever since that time , he started feeling insecure and felt like he would never be good enough for Zero .

Even though his lover's father offered him a job in his company , Kaname refused it and from that time onwards , things started going downhill for him and Zero .

He would ask Kaname why is it that he didn't want to work with his father and Kaname would yell back that it would insult him to be indebted to Zero's father who didn't even accept their relationship .

Even if he was on good terms with Zero's father , Kaname would have still deemed it wrong .

He would yell at Zero because the younger himself did not work with his father , he chose to build his future by his own hard work .

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 **Flashback :**

" Kaname , I have offered you a job which you refused . Now tell me , how can you deem yourself good enough for my son ? If you are gonna say you love him and he loves you , I would tell you that means nothing to me . If you are gonna say you are willing to do everything to support your future , It still means nothing to me . Love is a temporary spark , once it loses its glow , once it fades out , the only thing that could compensate for it is leading a tolerable life which you can not offer .. If you are gonna tell me money can't buy happiness , I would tell you those are lies fed to you by those nonsensical romantic movies .. Love won't pay your bills , won't buy you gifts and most importantly , won't help you establish a powerful position in the society .

I mean no disrespect , Kaname but you are a nobody , your reputation wouldn't get harmed by such news of you being homosexual , unlike my son , the heir of a wealthy family .. This is gonna damage his reputation severely. If you really love him , you would leave . "

Kaname had lost every bit of confidence in himself after such words had been tossed at him , crushing him deep . The pain that seemed to have buried itself disabled him from fighting back.

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Few days have passed since the day Kaname appeared in front of Zero's apartment and the younger's state had remarkably worsened .

Back then , Akatsuki and Takuma were worried but after witnessing their friend acting even more distant , they started to panic .

something must have happened ..but what ?

Zero left early that day and barely made it inside his home when the doorbell rang .

He rolled his eyes , muttering curses as he swayed the door open and got pushed inside .

" Hey ? ! "

It was Kaname .

" What are you doing here ? " He yelled as the elder continued pushing him inside till he got cornered against a wall .

Zero widened his eyes at their proximity as adrenaline rushed through his being .

" Who said you could come in . Leave ! " he stuttered , pointing his index towards the door but Kaname only chuckled , caressing that finger and gently pushing it backwards .

Zero who was lost in his surprise , failed to notice the fact Kaname had one hand under his grip now ..

" You see , Zero . Senri was right . "

Those were Kaname's last words , whispered into the shaking younger's ears before he pressed their lips together , ensuring the silverette couldn't fight back .

The soft kiss soon changed from slow to sloppy and heated , moans slipping out and hands roaming about each other's bodies .

They would part away but Kaname would maintain the passion filling the moment as his lips passed by Zero's neck and back to his lips again , pushing the younger's head forward , deepening the kiss .

And Bam ! They end up on the bed .

Breathing heavy and resting against the comfortable mattress , Kaname got a small box out of his pocket and turned , facing the younger who had a hard time regulating his breath .

He sat upright , helping Zero as well .

Kaname secretly hid the box in Zero's hands but the younger's eyes were not fast enough to catch a glimpse of it ..

Was it wrong ? Would he reject it ?

Kaname gripped the younger's hands tightly , not wanting to let go , fearing the moment Zero would open them and realize what the box had meant .

The long awaited proposal .

Slowly , the younger 's eyes traveled to his hands whilst Kaname kept his gaze fixated on the younger's face .

Zero recoiled , shaking his head slightly and blinking a few times .

" Zero ? "

" What happened was a mistake .. " Said the younger , as if they had just committed a taboo , the thing that made Kaname 's stomach churn .

It wasn't like they had sex ..

" Nothing happened .. We just shared few kisses .. " whispered Kaname brokenly , scoffing in disbelief soon after .

" Exactly , that is wrong . I got lost in the moment .. " insisted Zero , relentless .

" But you allowed it ! " Kaname retorted , feeling dejected in more ways than one .

" Like I said , I got los- "

" Well , that only means you still have feelings for me . " the brunette harshly interrupted before the younger could lamely defend himself .

He was cornering the silverette and Zero didn't like it .

" It's not that EASY ! "

Snapped Zero as he stood up abruptly , the box falling out of his grasp and rolling over the bed .

" WHY ? " Yelled back Kaname , mirroring the action as he stood up as well .

" YOU LEFT ME ! " cried the younger , panting as he held eye-contact with Kaname whose lips parted but nothing came out and that was Zero's cue to abandon the room .

The silverette occupied the sofa in the living room , his eyes darting here and there as his mind raced .

Just then , the elder got out of the bedroom , heading straight towards the front door which he slammed shut after him , portraying his rage .

Zero pressed his lips in a tight line , a tinge of guilt emerging in his chest .

He then furiously bit his lips , nodding long before chucking the cushion against the door and yelling to no one in particular .

" Giving up from the first attempt , ha ? "

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Few hours have passed before the doorbell rang again .

Zero forced his exhaustion aside and answered it .

Kaname .. Again .

Zero asked the same question as he spared the luggage in Kaname's hands a brief look .

" Looked like you needed a proof of how serious I was so here I'm . " he replied , already allowing himself in , the thing that made Zero want to tear his hair apart .

" This is no longer your home and nobody allowed you in ! " Exclaimed Zero , reaching for the luggage to throw it outside but Kaname 's resistance was stronger .

" I allowed myself in .. tell me when it's time for the bills so I pay half of them .. or even better .. All of them ~ " sang the brunette as he dragged his luggage , totally ignoring the younger's excuses and expression of disbelief .

But then one word lingered in his head .

" Besides .. If home is where the heart is then home is here .. with you .. " Confessed Kaname , his eyes piercing the younger with so much love and confidence that it was overwhelming , like magic .

Zero watched as Kaname let go of his belongings and dropped to the couch , sighing .

The younger just crossed his arms , raising his eyebrows .

" Can't you see how suspicious everything looks ? You come back out of the blue and want everything to go back to the way it was ? "

The silverette squinted his eyes in disbelief , his voice demanding before Kaname stood up and approached him .

" It was not out of the blue .. Zero , From the moment I left you , My mind has been doing nothing but thinking about you , my choices and our love because your father made me doubt myself and my love .. My life . My job. I was convinced my love was not enough for you . But now I have matured , worked hard and improved , got myself a respectable job with a good salary .. I worked hard for you . "

He trailed off , gazing at the younger before closing the distance between them as he caressed Zero's face .

" So , Don't you dare tell me it was out of the blue . " Said Kaname with so much dominance in his voice like he would not be accepting no for an answer .

Swiftly , he took the in denial Zero in his embrace , whispering " I love you and I know you still do so stop being stubborn. I know I was wrong to doubt myself and leave you like that with no proper explanation.. I truly regret it .. but i'm here now.. I'm being honest and I know you can feel it. "

And that was the trigger for Zero to shut his eyes and finally allow the tears of happiness that he had missed so much to freely cascade down his cheeks , to give in and bask in the loving embrace he was engulfed in .

The tears that nobody could evoke , except for Kaname .

Kaname was finally back to him and he would never let go of him again .

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Version 1 .

Stay tuned for the alternate ending .

Fic is Pre-written .

the center aligned text is not mine , lyrics of a song .

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	2. Chapter 2

this is ver 2

the sad and open ending .

it's pretty much a carbon copy except for the end . you will find two stars where the new ending starts .

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" Hey , Zero . We are going out to celebrate the newcomer accepted in our department ." Said one employee as he patted a silver haired male's shoulder .

" Um. Sorry , Takuma . I still got some work to do. I have to make sure everything is typed correctly. " Replied Zero , eyes glued to the computer screen as he observed the order they would be sending to the supplier.

Takuma rolled his eyes because he knew that was a cheap excuse the elder was using .

" You have been staring at this order over the past few minutes and nothing is wrong with it ! " the blonde exclaimed , hands retreating in a show of his disapproval .

He wasn't annoying , he just wanted Zero to get some fresh air . They were friends before being fellow-employees after all .

When the silverette had no words to defend himself , another young man came to the scene.

" Come on , Zero ! Everyone is going . It's bad enough you had to take the day off but didn't . Look at you ! You lost all the weight you didn't even have ! " Insisted another tall employee . Even though he was the youngest out of them , he was also the wisest.

Zero took off his reading glasses and sighed , looking elsewhere , the thing that made Takuma perk his lips to the side in sheer annoyance.

Zero was just too stubborn.

And Takuma knew that.

" Just give up , Akatsuki . Let him be . We can't really force him after all. " he whispered , trying his best to persuade the younger who clearly still felt frustrated but couldn't argue with him .

The silver haired man sent a " Thank you " look to Takuma for saving him the pain.

Convincing Akatsuki is never an easy job , especially since both , Zero and Akatsuki were thick headed beyond words.

But Takuma didn't smile back , he only replied with a disappointed look of his own.

One by one , the open office space grew quite , devoid of people , except for Zero . He could hear no more heels clicking against the floor tiles , no more chairs creaking .. Nothing .. Just silence engulfing him .

Staying overtime , slipping opportunities to take the day off , they were all meant to be some sort of a distraction.

Even now .. when Zero reached his apartment building , he could have used the elevator but he didn't.

He decided otherwise .

Taking the stairs seemed more appealing , for some reason . And that should be ..

He wanted to exhaust himself so much that when he finally reaches his apartment , he would go straight to sleep . No more thinking , no more stress. Nothing.

He wanted to feel nothing..

For once , he wanted to be able to sleep , without dark thoughts haunting him.

Once he reached his doorstep , he was already trudging and panting heavily , gripping his blazer with shaking hands .

On unsteady legs , he made his way inside , frowning at the gloomy apartment awaiting him .

Turning on the faint lights just about the entrance , Zero's frail legs barely supported his frame , even though it was equally fragile .

He had tottered his way to the couch and flopped down on it , then sprawled himself as he loosened the tie around his neck , eyes feeling heavier than lead .

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Blink .

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Blink..

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Darkness .

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Silence .

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Vibration * ring ring *

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The sudden noise made him jerk awake and frantically fish his cell phone out of his pocket , heart beating erratically fast .

" Hello ? " He gasped it out .

" Zero ? Did you arrive ? Have you eaten ? " Asked Akatsuki over the phone . Zero could only massage his forehead at that ..

Why did the younger have to act all concerned ? It made him feel guilty and indebted ..

" yea , Akatsuki . I just got home and was about to make myself something to eat .. Thanks for asking . "

He wasn't really planning to cook anything or even check the fridge but he wasn't in the mood for _that_ conversation . So he chose to lie , something he realized he was doing quite a lot as of late .

" Oh .Ok . We are having fun and I honestly wish you were here with us . Takuma feels the same as well . "

A weak but heartfelt smile crept its way to Zero's lips as he heard that .. His friends were out , partying , all busy and occupied but still had him in mind .. They truly cared , even though he gave them nothing but tension , even though he was being negative and distant .

If anything , he would try hanging out with them the next time ..

" Thanks , buddies . Just enjoy it ! " Zero attempted to exclaim in encouragement before he heard chuckling over the phone .

" We will . Take care of yourself , alright ? "

" Alright . "

With that , they ended the call , Akatsuki going back to the party whilst Zero back to darkness .

 _Oh baby , everyone but me looks happy._

 _Everyone but me is having fun oh no ._

 _._

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The following day was gonna be a long one .. since it was weekend .

Zero sighed deeply at such thought , willing himself to get up .He had to at least make it to his bed ..

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Next morning :

Like any other day , the sun kissed every inch of earth , gracefully offering its rays , birds chirped and wind softly blew .

Surprisingly , his eyes and mind seemed to need more sleep , unlike his body that was aching badly . he felt his back nearly splitting into two because of how long he had been sleeping .

Tossing to the side , he tried forcing one eye open but it terribly stung so he gave up on waking up .

Even though his eyes were closed , mind practically blank , his other senses were wide awake .

Occasionally , he would hear his own soft breathing as his hand dangled about the edge of the bed .

The once humble apartment now felt fancy , too big for him to occupy alone .

He had spent too much time in silence that he has come to notice even the slightest creak in the fan that was softly spinning , producing light air every once in awhile .

He'd spent so much time in silence that he had come to deem it foreign when he would laugh every once in awhile .. He couldn't recognize it anymore . It felt forced and fake .

He would also hear his neighbors' dog barking ..

He would hear sounds he never really noticed when the elder was still living there , with him . Because them being together had him preoccupied ..

His stomach was growling , begging to be fed but he felt drained and lazy ..

No .

Seriously !

He was hungry . Perhaps , starving would be the right word .

He was starving to the point he felt like throwing up .. And started feeling a pain throbbing in his head . But the bed engulfing his body in comfortable warmth was almost serenading , tempting him to sleep some more .

 _Too much for breaking up and staying healthy_..

Did they break up though ?

The idea of labeling their relationship was long lost in the sea and as the saying goes , You don't expect what the sea has taken to come back .. And if it ever did , it won't be the same . Well , that wasn't exactly a saying because Zero just made it up .

 _They slept on unspoken words , too scared to publicly announce it but everything was falling apart any ways ._

What's it good for now ?

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* Ring * Ring *

What was that ringing ?

Maybe it was part of his dream ..

Wait .. When did he even fall asleep ?

Sighing deeply , he threw his hand on his face , covering his eyes and oh it felt so good , for it was also blocking the annoyingly bright sunlight .

Ring * Ring *

He moved his hands away , eyes lazily opening as he stared at the ceiling for a couple of seconds before he willed his body off the bed , reached for the source of the sound and blindly swiped his thumb about his phone .

" .. Hello ? " He answered , quickly recognizing the person on the other line. His mother .

She wanted to fix a time so they would meet .

It has been a long time since he last saw her .

She was somehow linked to the idea of " Parents " which reminded him of his father and that didn't make him feel thrilled .

He would have to dedicate some time for her later on .. but for now , he needed to lay down and do nothing .

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He was finally there , in the cafe where he would be meeting his mother who he had soon enough noticed , occupying a distant table , dressed elegantly , her diamond necklace shining brightly , making other women look dull if compared to her . That was his mother and that was his truth . The truth he couldn't change . The Wealthy background haunting him.

He licked his lips , encouraging himself , and made his way there .

Once greetings were exchanged , momentary silence filled the atmosphere before his mother cleared her throat , signaling the start of their talk .

" Zero , you are in this point in your life wher- "

" Your decisions will either make it or break it . " Completed the young man , swaying his head sarcastically before realizing how childish and disrespectful he was being .

He instantly felt guilty and apologetic , especially when he saw how his mother blinked , lowering her gaze as she traced the brim of her cup nervously .

Sighing at that , he tapped his feet few seconds before he willed himself to apologize .

She was here , probably without her husband's knowledge . She was going out of her way to be there for him even though she wasn't exactly for his relationship with Kaname .

" I'm sorry .. " He whispered .

She nodded sadly , making him frown ..

Looks like they would be leading _that_ kind of conversation .

" Your husband insulted me when he interfered in my life like I was nothing but a child ! " He had to engrave it in her mind that it was all because of that man .

In an instant , she raised her head looking at him with extreme sorrow .

He knew what she wanted to say . _That man is your father ._

But she held it in and instead reached forward , taking his hands in hers , caressing them before smiling at him .

" Son , I want you to know that no matter what , I will be supporting you . "

 _As in , whether you get back with Kaname or not_ .

The time with his mother soon flew by and he found himself wandering in a deserted alleyway .

A lone tear rolled past his cheeks as he bitterly smiled ..

Why Kaname ? Why did you have to leave ? I was ready to fight everyone , including my parents to be with you ..

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 _As if everything has stopped , this alleyway is filled with darkness ._

 _My poor heart after you left me gets cut even by the passing wind ._

 _When will this cruel longing end ?_

 _I shouldn't have met you , I can't shake off your beauty ._

 _A flower that lost its scent , it's like me who has lost you ._

 _What use is it to regret ? you're gone ._

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The moment he got back home , his mood had gone from bad to worse ..

His talk with his mum - as much as it had warmed him up a little - it had opened some scars . All of his scars , actually .

He threw himself on the bed , lazily wandering his eyes about his room , only to sigh deeply afterwards , slamming his hands against his forehead .

He totally forgot to water the plants ..

The beautiful flower pot he had bought and positioned over the windows stood as a reminder .

 _Forgive your forgetful owner , please ._

Just then , the telephone rang , startling him .

He picked up and answered it but there was no response ..

He couldn't explain the sudden familiar feeling building up , the way his heart raced without a definite reason .

Zero's hands ceased watering the plants as he held his breath in , wandering his eyes about the flowers but his mind and heart wandered elsewhere .

He found himself lapsing into silence and wondered vaguely whether or not he should be ending the call ..

Few moments later , he pushed the " end call " button and bit on his lips , gripping the watering can tightly .

The rest of the day had passed by in a blur , nothing significant in it so far until the doorbell rang .

Zero assumed it to be Akatsuki and Takuma so he lazily dragged his legs towards the front door and swayed it open but it wasn't who he had expected .

His breath got stuck in his throat and eyes narrowed briefly at the person standing in front of him .

" Zero .. "

" What do you think you are doing here ? " Asked the silverette , his voice firm and cold .

What was Kaname thinking coming here after all that time ?

" Zero .. please , don't look at me with those eyes .. I'm sorry . I was wrong . " Pleaded Kaname , his voice so sincere , nearly enough to make the most heartless people soften but Zero couldn't buy those lies .

" Don't be ridiculous , stop pretending that you're the only one struggling and in pain . I was always alone anyway , it had nothing to do with you . " Yelled Zero , barely fighting back the tears of agony .

Kaname's expression dissolved into sadness ..

" I love you .. " He whispered but Zero couldn't believe it .

" Don't ! Don't tell me that . I'm sick of your I'm sorry's . "

He had a long speech ready to explode but his ego stopped him .

 _Everyone but me looks happy ._

 _Everyone but me is having fun oh no ._

 _I shouldn't have met you , I shouldn't have met you ._

 _I'm regretting now ._

 _I can't fall asleep tonight , I'm just looking out the window ._

 _Passing couples especially catch my eye ._

 _My eyes grow pitifully red every time it rains at night ._

 _You used to say " I like the sound of the rain " and it spins around my head ._

 _I draw you out , hating you , crying , then laughing , several times a day ._

Zero didn't give the elder time to reply and whispered the last words before shutting the door .

" leave me alone . leave me alone , Kaname . "

 _Like this empty street , my rejected heart is in pain ._

 _I'm the only one remaining here and struggling but I'll try to forget you ._

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Later on that day :

Kaname made it back home , disappointment dominating everything about him , the thing that made his friends get worried .

He flopped on the couch next to the one wearing a cap who eyed him intently .

" What happened ? " Asked one of them , he had innocent features and blonde hair .

" He didn't accept it , Aido . " Replied Kaname , his frame slouched .

He had told them how he approached the younger and how it had all escalated .

Sighs exchanged before Senri - the one wearing a cap - suggested something .

" Kaname , Zero won't come around if you keep spoiling him . Don't ask him for a chance . Earn it ! Don't plead him , Shut him up in your own way , a kiss or something .. That guy is stubborn and blinded by his ego . I mean yea … You were a jerk to leave him like that but you had your reasons and now that everything is fine with your life , you have to fill him in on the whole story . "

" Hey ? Do you want him to force his way back to Zero ? " Opposed Hanabusa . The silverette was his friend after all .. He was one to introduce Kaname and Zero to each other .

Senri made a face , signaling for the blonde to shut up because _he_ was right .

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Kaname has somehow managed to fade out the noise of Senri and Hanabusa bickering , his mind replaying that day Zero's father crushed his self-esteem .

His words hit him like a hammer ..

Truth is , he didn't want his love to go through the same .

He didn't want Zero to suffer rejection from his parents .

Kaname's parents had disowned him after knowing he was gay and since he wasn't exactly that wealthy to begin with , his parents abandoning him did not help at all .

Ever since that time , he started feeling insecure and felt like he would never be good enough for Zero .

Even though his lover's father offered him a job in his company , Kaname refused it and from that time onwards , things started going downhill for him and Zero .

He would ask Kaname why is it that he didn't want to work with his father and Kaname would yell back that it would insult him to be indebted to Zero's father who didn't even accept their relationship .

Even if he was on good terms with Zero's father , Kaname would have still deemed it wrong .

He would yell at Zero because the younger himself did not work with his father , he chose to build his future by his own hard work .

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 **Flashback :**

" Kaname , I have offered you a job which you refused . Now tell me , how can you deem yourself good enough for my son ? If you are gonna say you love him and he loves you , I would tell you that means nothing to me . If you are gonna say you are willing to do everything to support your future , It still means nothing to me . Love is a temporary spark , once it loses its glow , once it fades out , the only thing that could compensate for it is leading a tolerable life which you can not offer .. If you are gonna tell me money can't buy happiness , I would tell you those are lies fed to you by those nonsensical romantic movies .. Love won't pay your bills , won't buy you gifts and most importantly , won't help you establish a powerful position in the society .

I mean no disrespect , Kaname but you are a nobody , your reputation wouldn't get harmed by such news of you being homosexual , unlike my son , the heir of a wealthy family .. This is gonna damage his reputation severely. If you really love him , you would leave . "

Kaname had lost every bit of confidence in himself after such words had been tossed at him , crushing him deep . The pain that seemed to have buried itself disabled him from fighting back.

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Few days have passed since the day Kaname appeared in front of Zero's apartment and the younger's state had remarkably worsened .

Back then , Akatsuki and Takuma were worried but after witnessing their friend acting even more distant , they started to panic .

something must have happened ..but what ?

Zero left early that day and barely made it inside his home when the doorbell rang .

He rolled his eyes , muttering curses as he swayed the door open and got pushed inside .

" Hey ? ! "

It was Kaname .

" What are you doing here ? " He yelled as the elder continued pushing him inside till he got cornered against a wall .

Zero widened his eyes at their proximity as adrenaline rushed through his being .

" Who said you could come in . Leave ! " he stuttered , pointing his index towards the door but Kaname only chuckled , caressing that finger and gently pushing it backwards .

Zero who was lost in his surprise , failed to notice the fact Kaname had one hand under his grip now ..

" You see , Zero . Senri was right . "

Those were Kaname's last words , whispered into the shaking younger's ears before he pressed their lips together , ensuring the silverette couldn't fight back .

The soft kiss soon changed from slow to sloppy and heated , moans slipping out and hands roaming about each other's bodies .

They would part away but Kaname would maintain the passion filling the moment as his lips passed by Zero's neck and back to his lips again , pushing the younger's head forward , deepening the kiss .

And Bam ! They end up on the bed .

Breathing heavy and resting against the comfortable mattress , Kaname got a small box out of his pocket and turned , facing the younger who had a hard time regulating his breath .

He sat upright , helping Zero as well .

Kaname secretly hid the box in Zero's hands but the younger's eyes were not fast enough to catch a glimpse of it ..

Was it wrong ? Would he reject it ?

Kaname gripped the younger's hands tightly , not wanting to let go , fearing the moment Zero would open them and realize what the box had meant .

The long awaited proposal .

Slowly , the younger 's eyes traveled to his hands whilst Kaname kept his gaze fixated on the younger's face .

Zero recoiled , shaking his head slightly and blinking a few times .

" Zero ? "

" What happened was a mistake .. " Said the younger , as if they had just committed a taboo , the thing that made Kaname 's stomach churn .

It wasn't like they had sex ..

" Nothing happened .. We just shared few kisses .. " whispered Kaname brokenly , scoffing in disbelief soon after .

" Exactly , that is wrong . I got lost in the moment .. " insisted Zero , relentless .

" But you allowed it ! " Kaname retorted , feeling dejected in more ways than one .

" Like I said , I got los- "

" Well , that only means you still have feelings for me . " the brunette harshly interrupted before the younger could lamely defend himself .

He was cornering the silverette and Zero didn't like it .

" It's not that EASY ! "

Snapped Zero as he stood up abruptly , the box falling out of his grasp and rolling over the bed .

" WHY ? " Yelled back Kaname , mirroring the action as he stood up as well .

" YOU LEFT ME ! " cried the younger , panting as he held eye-contact with Kaname whose lips parted but nothing came out and that was Zero's cue to abandon the room .

The silverette occupied the sofa in the living room , his eyes darting here and there as his mind raced .

Just then , the elder got out of the bedroom , heading straight towards the front door which he slammed shut after him , portraying his rage .

Zero pressed his lips in a tight line , a tinge of guilt emerging in his chest .

He then furiously bit his lips , nodding long before chucking the cushion against the door and yelling to no one in particular .

" Giving up from the first attempt , ha ? "

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Few hours have passed before the doorbell rang again .

Zero forced his exhaustion aside and answered it .

Kaname .. Again .

Zero asked the same question as he spared the luggage in Kaname's hands a brief look .

" Looked like you needed a proof of how serious I was so here I'm . " he replied , already allowing himself in , the thing that made Zero want to tear his hair apart .

" This is no longer your home and nobody allowed you in ! " Exclaimed Zero , reaching for the luggage to throw it outside but Kaname 's resistance was stronger .

" I allowed myself in .. tell me when it's time for the bills so I pay half of them .. or even better .. All of them ~ " sang the brunette as he dragged his luggage , totally ignoring the younger's excuses and expression of disbelief .

But then one word lingered in his head .

" Besides .. If home is where the heart is then home is here .. with you .. " Confessed Kaname , his eyes piercing the younger with so much love and confidence that it was overwhelming , like magic .

Zero watched as Kaname let go of his belongings and dropped to the couch , sighing .

The younger just crossed his arms , raising his eyebrows .

" Can't you see how suspicious everything looks ? You come back out of the blue and want everything to go back to the way it was ? "

The silverette squinted his eyes in disbelief , his voice demanding before Kaname stood up and approached him .

" It was not out of the blue .. Zero , From the moment I left you , My mind has been doing nothing but thinking about you , my choices and our love because your father made me doubt myself and my love .. My life . My job. I was convinced my love was not enough for you . But now I have matured , worked hard and improved , got myself a respectable job with a good salary .. I worked hard for you . "

He trailed off , gazing at the younger before closing the distance between them as he caressed Zero's face .

" So , Don't you dare tell me it was out of the blue . " Said Kaname with so much dominance in his voice like he would not be accepting no for an answer .

The younger though , only shook his head and walked away.

" Even if what you say is true , I can't forgive you just like that. "

He couldn't just welcome Kaname with open arms .. Because then that would mean he didn't care about his own feelings .. what about the whole time he spent alone ? Sad and depressed ?

Kaname sent the younger a questioning look , silently asking why.

Zero sighed before averting his gaze elsewhere until an idea hit him.

He grabbed the small vase on the table and shoved it towards the other.

" Hold it. " He said as a matter of fact.

Kaname furrowed his eyebrows but complied anyways .

Once Zero was sure the vase was secured in Kaname's grasp , he passed another command. " Now drop it.. "

Only then did Kaname 's prior confusion recede .

" Drop it ! " Repeated Zero , his voice louder this time.

And so he did.

The vase came crashing against the floor , shattering to million pieces .

" Now say sorry. "

Zero smiled in a mixture of bitterness and disappointment while the brunette bit his lips and sent the younger a brief glare.

The silverette looked as though challenging Kaname not to apologize.

 _What , his highness wouldn't apologize even though it was his fault_ ?

Kaname had long caught on what the younger wanted to convey .

He had to swallow past his pride before uttering the following words.

" Sorry.. "

Zero 's weak smile turned into a scoff .

" Did it fix itself ? "

" Zero , this metaphor doesn't apply to us . " Said Kaname , trying to adorn their situation.

" It does ! " Insisted Zero.

And that was the last straw.

" WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ? " Yelled Kaname , startling the younger.

" I apologize and you are not satisfied . I say I love you but you are still not satisfied .. I say my talk with your father affected me more than you can ever imagine yet you are still not satisfied ! " Explained Kaname , feeling at loss . This wasn't supposed to happen . He didn't want to argue about the past .

" Did you really EXPECT ME TO WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS ? " Snapped back Zero , his heart beating so fast as anger consumed him .

Kaname's rage subsided , giving rise to his saddened look .

" Do you think it was easy for me ? " Asked the elder but then Zero shoved his palm against Kaname's chest , making him stumble backwards.

" Don't you dare blame me for your suffering when you were the one that chose to leave ! " warned Zero under his breath .

Kaname nodded , a weak smile plastered over his face before he stormed out of the apartment . If it was all in vain , if his presence wasn't wanted or needed anymore then.. he would leave , no matter how much he wanted to stay by his beloved.. His pride wouldn't allow it.

For the second time , Zero felt a tinge of guilt emerging . That time stronger and more pronounced .

Few moments have passed before he gazed out of the window , catching a glimpse of Kaname's fading figure .

Sighing , he struggled his way to the bed and dropped on it , letting out few sniffs occasionally.

 _You had a chance to be around the one you love but you flat out destroyed it._

No .

 _You did the right thing ._

Forgiving him just like that would certainly be the worst thing if he wanted Kaname to realize how much it had pained him and that way , hurting him would be normal and natural . He would get used to it , hurting his feelings then expecting a mere apology to fix it all.

 _He tried everything to make you forgive him but you turned him down ._

 _Don't cry when you find him wrapped in the arms of someone else .._

NO .

 _Don't worry , he would have to get back here to take his belongings .._

 _There's still faint hope ._

 _Right ?_

Except for ..

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End file.
